A friend of mine, in response to a conversation we were having about the injustices of life, asked me the question: "Who said life was going to be fair, or that it was even meant to be fair" Her question was a good one. It reminded me of something I was taught as a youngster—life isn"t fair. It"s a disappointment, but it"s absolutely true. One of the mistakes many of us make is that we feel sorry for ourselves, or for others, thinking that life should be fair, or that someday it will be. It"s not and it won"t.
One of the nice things about surrendering to the fact that life isn"t fair is that it keeps us from feeling sorry for ourselves by encouraging us to do the very best we can with what we have. We know it"s not "life"s job" to make everything perfect; it"s our own challenge. Surrendering to this fact also keeps us from feeling sorry for others because we are reminded that everyone is dealt a different hand (一手牌); everyone has unique strengths and problems in the process of growing up, facing the reality and decisions, and everyone has those times that they feel victimized or unfairly treated.
The fact that life isn"t fair doesn"t mean we shouldn"t do everything in our power to improve our own lives or the world as a whole. To the contrary, it suggests that we should. When we don"t recognize or admit that life isn"t fair, we tend to feel pity for others and for ourselves. Pity, of course, is a self-defeating emotion that does nothing for anyone, except to make everyone feel worse than they already do. When we do recognize that life isn"t fair, however, we feel sympathy for others and for ourselves. And sympathy is a heartfelt emotion that delivers loving kindness to everyone it touches. The next time you find yourself thinking about the injustices of the world, try reminding yourself of this very basic fact. You may be surprised that it can push you out of self-pity and into helpful action. In the last paragraph, "this very basic fact" refers to the fact that ______.