How Online Dating Works
One of the basic human impulses is to develop a romantic relationship——and maybe even fall in love. But there are a lot of obstacles that might keep someone from meeting the love of his or her life in today’s world. Maybe dating co-workers is against company policy. Perhaps you hate the bar scene. You might not be in the right mood to meet your soul mate while you’re trekking(艰苦跋涉)through the grocery store.
People of all ages, lifestyles and locations have been facing this problem for decades. In the last 10 years or so, a new solution has arrived to help lonely hearts find their soul mates: online dating.
Getting Started
Online dating is simply a method of meeting people, and it has advantages and disadvantages. The variety of dating sites is constantly growing, with many sites focused on very specific groups or interests. There arc sites for seniors, sites for Muslims(), sites for fitness-oriented people, sites for people just looking for friends and sites for people who are interested in more activities. This article will be focused on the most basic type of dating site--one that works to bring two people together for a romantic relationship. While this article applies to the majority of popular dating sites, the rules and practices of any given individual site may differ.
When you first arrive at an online dating site, you can browse through profiles without entering any information about yourself. The amount of information you can see about each user depends on the site. Some sites allow users to restrict access to their profiles to paying members. Photos might not be displayed unless you have a paid membership. This helps preserve anonymity, since a co-worker or family member can’t accidentally stumble across your profile. They’d have to pay for a membership to see a picture of the person they’re reading about.
Once you decide you’re going to give it a shot, the first thing you need to do is create your profile.
Creating a Profile
When it’s time to make your own profile, you’ll start with some basic information. Are you a man or a woman Are you looking to meet a man or a woman What age range are you interested in Where do you live (Some sites just ask for a zip code, while others may allow you to choose from a list of cities.) This is generally the same information you provide to perform a search, or "browse."
Basic profile information may also include your birthdate and a valid e-mail address. Site administrators will communicate with you through this address, and some sites allow messages from users to be sent to your e-mail anonymously. When they send you a message, it is routed through the site’s system and redirected to your e-mail without the other user ever seeing your address. Some sites use their own internal messaging system. If you’re especially concerned about privacy, it’s easy enough to create a free e-mail account somewhere and use it solely for your online dating contacts.
Indicating your physical attributes is usually the next step. Height, weight, hair and eye color and body type are common pieces of data, while some sites ask about piercings and tattoos. At this point, the process becomes increasingly detailed. Interests and activities, favorite sports, authors, music or movies, how you like to spend weekend— these topics are all fair . More personal questions might involve whether or not you have children, whether or not you want children, your religious beliefs and your political views. Pets, occupation, income and living situation are usually on the list as well.
Next, you’ll be asked to answer many of these same questions a second time, but instead of indicating your own traits, you’ll be describing your ideal date. The site will then use this information and the information you provided about yourself to find suitable matches that you might want to contact. Most sites will also allow you to write about yourself in a more free form manner--a chance to get across more of your personality than a series of pull-down lists can offer.
Posting a photo of yourself is another important step. Most sites report a huge increase in responses to ads that have photos posted. There will usually be guidelines as to what sorts of photo you can post, and there might be an approval process before it actually gets posted. In general, avoid posting revealing photos, don’t post photos with people other than yourself in them and don’t post glossy, "glam" photos. Although you want to look your best, try and make sure the photo is accurate to how you currently look. If you’re 35, your high school year look photo isn’t a good choice. If you recently dyed your hair purple, try to get a photo that reflects that.
There’s one last rule that needs to be mentioned, and it’s an important one: Don’t put personal identification information in your profile. This includes your address, phone-number, social security number, full name or place of employment. You might meet people on the site that you’ll want to share some of that information with down the line, but it should never be public knowledge.
Now, let’s go through some helpful tips on creating a profile that encourages people to contact you.
Creating a Good Profile
If you browse through a typical dating site, you will see hundreds of ads from people who are "looking for Mr. Right. "Nearly everyone "enjoys a night out on the town, but also likes a quiet evening at home." It would be difficult to find someone who doesn’t like a good sense of humor in a date.
Begin with the subject. Inject some humor into your subject-line or include one of your interests. "Bogart fan seeking unusual suspects." "Come sail away with this boating enthusiast/Styx fan." This is the first thing people will see, and it needs to stand out from the crowd.
When it comes to the profile itself, make sure you fill out the whole thing. Take your time and put some thought into it. It may seem tedious or difficult to describe yourself, but leaving sections blank or putting in short, generic answers makes it look like you aren’t really interested. Avoid phrases like, "I wouldn’t normally use one of these dating services, but my friends put me up to this." Remember, your target audience is other people who are using this dating service. You don’t want to start off by insulting them.
Think of specific aspects of your personality that you want to highlight. Then, don’t just state them-- demonstrate them. Instead of, "I enjoy Stanley Kubrick films," say, "The other night I was watching ’A Clockwork Orange, ’ and I found myself thinking it would be a lot more fun to watch and discuss it with someone else. "Humor is especially important. Not everyone shares the same sense of humor, so saying "I’m a funny person" isn’t sufficient. "I love quoting lines from Monty Python sketches and Simpsons episodes" gives other users a better grasp of your personality.
Another key to success is knowing what you want and putting it in your profile. You’ll get more responses from people who are looking for the same thing you are, whether you want to settle down with a long-term relationship or just want a date for Friday night. "I think there is more of a mental connection first by online dating," said one user, a teacher from New York. "Also, you know what you’re looking for, not what your friends think would be ’perfect’ for you."
Last but not least, mind your grammar. Poor grammar and spelling doesn’t lead to a good first impression, so take the time to get it right.
The first thing to do when you log in an online dating site is to enter your personal information.